Wednesday, 13 February 2008

Some Random Thoughts Upon Crutches......

1 . Spending any length of time on crutches provides an interesting insight into the British psyche. People whom you have never met before, in shops or pubs say, will leap aside with alacrity, beaming and gesturing to let you pass. It is as if being seen to do the right thing is almost as important as the actual doing of it. We are still, above all, a terribly “polite” nation it appears. There are clearly rules nonetheless. Attempt to enter a busy bar on crutches, and people will fall over themselves to open doors, or give up their seat for you. The latter though only AFTER you have got your drink. The average pub-goer will allow you part the Red Sea like Moses, but only as far as the bar. Thereafter you must expect to stand awkwardly on one leg, for any amount of time, whilst everyone who was waiting before you is served…… We British love to help the inconvenienced, but will not under any circumstances countenance someone “pushing in”!

2. There is no verb I can think of that adequately describes the forward motion of someone on crutches. Both “hopping” and “swinging” are not quite right, and the English language has not yet seen fit to recognise “crutching” as proper word. I’m currently favouring “ propelling” as a description of how I launch myself along, but only in the sense of imparting movement. To be propelling in any spiral context of course, might suggest that you have one crutch shorter than the other.

3. It’s marvellous what uses you can put crutches to apart from walking with them. The dedicated invalid will soon learn to turn lights on and off, open and close curtains, load video tapes, close doors, operate pedal bins, and indeed carry out any number of other acrobatic manoeuvres. After a little practice they are especially good for picking things up with, rather like an oversized and stylistically challenged pair of chopsticks. I struggle to pick up rice with proper chopsticks, but I can pick up a banana with my crutches no problem.

I have also fantasised that they would be ideal for tripping up escaping burglars, or fleeing bank robbers. Sadly though, the opportunity has not yet presented itself.

4. A quick googling shows that there is apparently great debate in theological circles about people sometimes using religion as a crutch. Not being of a particularly spiritual inclination myself, I am unclear on the efficacy of this idea. Being tall and of hefty build however, (and no doubt heavy with the weight of sin) I prefer to put my trust in reinforced aluminium at present, rather than a wing and a prayer.

4 comments:

Frankie @ Veg Plot said...

How do you pick up a banana?

Petunia's Gardener said...

Nice to hear you are progressing and picking up new skills along the way. You've walked/crutched in the shoes of another, more than some of us have (thank goodness 'cause I'd end up breaking something else probably).
Hope you'll feeling stronger every day. I can hear some garden spot/allotment calling you.

Matron said...

An interesting topic. My Dad used to hire an electric vehicle when he went shopping. No one ever looks at anyone in a wheelchair, everyone avoids eye contact!
could you perhaps have some attachments on the bottom of your crutch! a hoe? rake?

Tor Hershman said...

Devon, you're in Devon???

Yikes, that is way up yonder.

Ohhh, Moi just did a "Quotidian" blog search and that's how I got here.

Stay on groovin' safari,
Tor