Monday, 15 January 2007

Baking For Chaps....

Okay men, pay attention there......Perkins, stop shuffling at the back!

Now as you will know, I am not commonly accustomed to lecture you on the baking of cakes, buns, biscuits or other such comestibles, which, coming as it does under the heading of “domestic goods”, more naturally falls within the remit of the fairer sex....or the NAAFI.

However, it is the duty of every man to be resourceful in the face of adversity, and improvise on the very breath of opportunity! ...Even in the kitchen.

In order to illustrate this point I ask you to reflect on the following two words….”Fruit Cake

No Perkins, not Sgt. Maj. Mackay!..... The kind one is apt to stuff in one’s face.

Now that I have your attention, observe the schematic diagram above.

This, for the uninitiated is an “Apricot and Fig Cake”, which only this evening I prepared myself, in the canteen of the Officer’s Mess…. Yes, indeed, I thought you would be impressed!

Now for the science bit…..

Using classified plans smuggled away from the boffins at Simply Living, you men can manufacture a similar article yourself, using only the most meagre field rations.

1. Acquire 1lb pound of dried fruit, of a dry and fruity nature.

2. Soak fruit overnight in 2 mugs of cold black tea. (Consult the little lady if you are unsure how to brew tea.)

3. After morning ablutions, drain off the tea and use for cleaning gun barrels.

4. Chop fruit into small pieces (Just like you learnt on exercise!)

5. Put 1 mug of soft brown sugar into a bowl, or possibly a captured enemy helmet.

6. Add the fruit, and 1 soundly beaten egg.

7. Add in 2 mugs of self raising flour and stir vigorously….use of the bayonet is only permitted if obliged to perform this task under fire. Should you find the mixture a little dry, add a dash of milk until it is the consistency of warm gelignite.

8. Grease or line a mess tin, and smooth your mixture evenly within it.

9. Place the charge in an a gas oven for 2hrs at 160 degrees, or 1.5 hours at 140 degrees if using the new issue standard army fan oven.

10. Remove, allow to cool, and congratulate yourselves on a job well done!

That is all…………Platoon dismissed!


Petunia's Gardener said...

Fine job! Think a soaking in coffee would work too? I have the pumpkin pie recipe for your next harvest. I made it 3 or 4 times without a disaster which must make it failproof.

Greenmantle said...

Thanks PG...

I'm not sure how it would taste uaing coffee. In conjunction with the fruit, tea is probably best.

In all honesty the inclusion figs was not really an inspired choice. Just all I had to hand. They do give it a rather strong and peculiar flavour. It'd be better with normal dried fruit & apricots like Lottie's version.


Allotment Lady said...

By George boy - you did it. Made it sound far more exciting than when I cooked it.

Prunes go well but figs - not tried that yet.

Definitely not coffee though - tastes bitter so I am told

Jooles said...

Hi - how about dates? I think they are quite mild but add a je n'cest pas? Glad you are now blogging - it would be a shame to loose you - sez her that can go 6 weeks without even a letter!

Clare said...

I don't like fruit cake - it's the fruit. But this one looks good enough to eat.

Hang on - I didn't mean for that to sound as insulting as that. Actually I didn't mean for it to sound insulting at all.

Ahem. It looks good enough that even I, in my non-fruit-cake-eating world would be tempted to try some.

Perhaps I don't like fruitcake because when you're as nutty as me it would be tantamount to cannibalism, if you know what I'm saying.